Thanksgiving Tales

For the second year in a row, due to bad timing, my family and I couldn't continue our old tradition of traveling to Medford, Massachusetts for Thanksgiving with my mom's entire family. Instead, we've begun a new tradition, eating turkey and traditional foods (screw marshmallow yams or whatever) at my parent's house with a guest or two. This year was Janet's turn, but I think she believed we were actually having a rodeo at the house instead. I made stuffed sweet dumpling squash, roast vegetables, stuffing and pumpkin pie. The stuffing was my crowning achievement, filled with all the normal deliciousness, made from scratch with sourdough bread, and included dried apricots, chestnuts and pine nuts. Start salivating!

My mom is all camera shy

My dad, on the other hand, is all about a camera

Fork and Knife

Recently, HD and I "hosted" an impromptu dinner party (note: impromptu "hosting" cause I sat around the apartment waiting for Shiva and Sharmilee and HD to show up with food and cook it for me). The food was excellent, and the best part was there was no pressure on me to use a fork and knife correctly. Which I can't. At all.

There, it's out in the open. Happy? I'm not at all good at eating with a fork and a knife. When I visit my parents, my sister, my whole family really, makes fun of and chastises me for picking up my food with my hands, kindly refreshing my memory that I DO have a fork and knife I can use. The truth is, I'd rather be thought of as rude or crude than incompetent.

For many years, I hadn't mastered the use of a spoon either. Having large hands, I'd hold it delicately, like an ogre would, shoveling everything into my craw. I was able to vote before I was able to properly eat soup, cereal or pudding.

I get technique envy whenever I go to a restaurant with classier people or an event, like a wedding. Watching HD and Sharmilee neatly cut their lamb shoulders, gracefully using the fork in their off hand and then deftly transferring the meat to their mouth made my own technique seem even poorer. I need to switch the fork from my left to my right hand before I can even attempt to shove the giant size bite into my mouth.

Whenever I go on dates, I stay away from any non-sandwiches or non-finger foods. It can be really tough to fight off temptation when I see a delicious looking half-chicken dish on the menu, or steak with really long noodles that need to be cut so they don't stick out of my mouth like a brontosaurus*. However, to keep my secret shortcomings (according to society, at least) a secret, I have to stick to a hamburger with extra onions, mushrooms, bacon, cheddar cheese and a liter of barbecue sauce. And make sure none of it drips down my face.


*which is what Pacey wanted to be when he was 8.

This Dating Life 4

The world of online dating is rife with women my age who can't spell without adding "z"s to the end of words or think it's acceptable to both start and end a sentence with "lol." Recently I was contacted by a lady who opened an email exchange with "hey you seem cool." And that was it. I understand it's hard to make first contact and maybe even harder for the female persuasion as it's not something many are used to, but come a little stronger than that. Her reply to my reply was this:

hahaha, nice! so whats up, hows ur week been?

That was the last round of communication. Someone who doesn't have enough to say to even fill up a Twitterdum post can't even be bothered to spell it YOUR? I'm sorry, were you being charged per letter? Are my standards too high because I think it'd be nice if the other person in my conversation could talk as well?