Professional TV Review: Game of Thrones

I recently finished George Ruby Red Railroad (leave off the last R for savings) Martin's masterpiece, Game of Thrones, and decided to branch out from doing professional movie reviews to just-as-professional TV reviews.  My choice to watch the show after I read the book stems from being a big believer in using your own imagination to bring the characters to life.  Having finished that, I decided I needed to watch the show for a number of reasons, chief amongst them everyone declaring what a great show it was, and wanting to see what a direwolf and direwolf pups look like, in real life.

I'm currently in the middle of the first episode, but so far all that's happened is I've been reminded how much I HATE Sansa.  She is so whiny and annoying, and nothing has even happened yet.  However, now I don't have to use my imagination to picture what me punching Sansa looks like; I can punch the TV every time she comes on screen.  Thanks, HBO!

I've heard the show follows the exact plot of the book, so there's little chance anyone on screen will punch Sansa, or one of the wolves will go CHOMP.  However, I'm holding out hope that she gets her due for whininess later in the season, or even better, this first episode.  Man, I hate Sansa.

This Dating Life: Spoiler Alert

The world wide web of dating is rife with many pitfalls: crazy people, disappointing dates, and scams to get free meals. One thing I never thought I'd have to worry about though was a woman ruining a television show for me, until I got this message, responding to many of my professed interests:

"I really wanna go to the zoo. I could watch Forgetting Sarah Marshall over and over again. I want someone to teach me how to grow a decent strawberry patch. I want someone to watch Dexter with who was just as pleased when *REDACTED*. And someone who'll bake me mac n cheese then I'd make them fried ice cream. I'd also like someone who can reach the good wine glasses on the top shelf cause I'm too short. And someone who doesn't mind that I dance in my sleep."

Sure, there are positives. Zoos are some of my favorite places to go, more so during the fall and spring when kids are in school and can't ruin the experience for me. Anyone who recognizes the genius of F.S.M. clearly has good taste. I wouldn't mind someone dancing in their sleep, cause then they might be less likely to actually want to dance with me when we're both awake. However, then she's trying to put me to work. Strawberries are easy, as they spread like a weed. And sure, I can show off how tall I am and how long my arms are, but what do I get out of this? Can I use her head as a rest of my drink, to take advantage of her height as she is of mine? Finally, WHO REVEALS INFORMATION ABOUT A SHOW WITHOUT ASKING THE PERSON WHAT SEASON THEY'RE UP TO? An insensitive, unthinking jerk, that's who. Spoiler alert: We will NOT be going on a date. Ever.

Nip/Tuck 1

Due to lots of pressure encouragement from Pkilla, I started watching Nip/Tuck, beginning with Season 1, because that seemed to be a good beginning point. I distinctly remember feeling completely lost during the first episode, as the show just kinda jumps immediately into the action. I also found I couldn't watch the show and eat at the same time. Bile (or some other weird yellow liquid, maybe pus??) gushing from a man on the surgery table is totally yuck and freaked me out. I often had to watch the surgery scenes from between my fingers. Here are some of my other thoughts on the first season/things I've learned (yes, it's an educational show):

-Best way to pick up a woman at a bar? Claim to be a doctor.

-Kelly Carlson is ridiculously hot. RIDICULOUSLY. HOT.

-The balance between man ass and boobs isn't leaning as far to the right as it should be.

-How is it possible Julian McMahon and Dylan Walsh are so good looking? Has either of them ever frowned in their whole lives?

-Self-circumcision, even when only off camera, is not cool.

-There's a lot of blood on the show, and again, less boobs than I was promised.

-Robert LaSardo, playing Escobar Gallardo, is easily the best part of this season. Except for Kelly Carlson, of course.

-Miami is very fake. But it's near the Everglades, which is apparently a great body dump site, as it's easy to dispose of the evidence. Thanks American Alligators!!!

-The characters on the show should be better to each other. There's a lot of cheating, lying, omitting, and hurting each other. And I hear it only gets worse.

-Episode 7, with a 3 some involving Sophia Bush and Kate Mara, is awesome. You can probably figure out why.

-Seducing a sex addict at Sexaholics Anonymous is kind of a dick move, but apparently an easy way to have sex.

-Christian Troy is my hero. I may take to calling everyone "sweetheart."

Black Guy, White Guy

HD and I are going to have a show (if James' ranting about us having a show carries any real world weight) about two friends living together and the important life lessons they learn. Picture the Odd Couple meets Psych meets cosmic awareness. It'll be pithy, fundamentally sound and the two title characters will have great rapport with each other. You can tell all this from the title, which is "Black guy, white guy live together." Look for it to replace anything on the WB, this fall.