It's Swedish to Me

From time to time, I like to exercise my reading muscles. This way, I never find myself walking up the down escalator at a department store, because even though it was broken and so it can be used as stairs in either direction, I would have read the "DOWN" and went to the other side, since I wanted to go "UP." Quite helpful.

Recently, and quite accidentally, I've found myself with novels from foreign authors taking place in foreign countries but thankfully written entirely in English. I was able to really get into the Kite Runner, despite many unfamiliar words, places and references to historical events. The story was beautiful and moving, though I think I'd have a hard time watching the movie if some of the more heartbreaking scenes are graphically portrayed. Even though many of the words and ideas were foreign to me, the author did a great job of explaining them, and sprinkled them throughout, giving the book that authentic cultural experience feel.

Before this enlightening read, however, I had tried reading Stiig Laarson's novel "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo," but found it really difficult to get into. Everything takes place in Sweden and has a weird name. It's like the Swedish Chef teamed up with IKEA to take me on a verbal tour of Nonsense-Land. I made it 2 pages in and was overwhelmed by the amount of quadruple vowels and letters that have no business being adjacent to each other. It did leave me with a hankering for swedish meatballs and lingonberry jam. Or, just kotbuller and tyttebærsyltetøy* as they'd say in Sweden.

*technically, this is Norwegian, but there's NO way you would have known that without me telling you.

This Dating Life: Tortoises Are NOT Turtles

Sometimes I wonder if I'm too picky when it comes to dating. Perhaps I'm a snob, or I let stupid little things get to me. I screen my dates pretty well, ensuring they can spell, they're over 21, they don't have an Adam's Apple (funny story about that...one of my friends, when much younger, believed it was an item unique to him, in name. His name is Adam, and so he by this logic, I'd have an L Bo's Apple) and they're not interested in my millions. Of imaginary money. Still, sometimes in the middle of a first or second date, they will say something I find difficult to believe, as I considered them intelligent enough to go out with. For example, this woman told me, after my semi-long exaltation of the benefits of heritage animals and heirloom fruit that she didn't know what heirloom meant. I know it was wrong, but it made me think less of her. In the end, it didn't matter anyway.

After much debate back in December, I decided to give another online lady the benefit of the doubt and meet her for a first date. Somehow (as always), animals had come up in our correspondence, and she had this to say about tortoises and turtles: "I confess I don't totally understand what a tortoise is. I imagine them as being slightly less cute [than turtles], but I think that has more to do with children's stories than reality." This might seem insipid, even harmless, but then I got to thinking; what other species of animal would she be unable to identify or would she confuse? What if we were out for a night stroll and she remarked there was a really cute dog following us, and it was in fact a rabid wolf? Or we could be visiting friends who she said have a pet iguana, and in reality it was a tyrannosaurus rex? Thank you for saving my life, paranoia, instincts, and snobbery!