Hollywood Birthday Presents

Thanks for the birthday present, Hollywood.  Once again this year, you've created a Marvel comics-based movie just in time to celebrate me, and along with a few other titles, that, although they didn't come out on my ACTUAL birthday, were still probably made with me in mind.  Chief amongst these is Avengers, which is a fantastic follow-up present to last year's Thor, a movie I've been wishing for at least the last 12 birthday candle blow-outs.  A movie about the Norse God of Thunder, who also just happens to be my favorite Marvel super-hero, had big shoes to fill.  Which it did.  Fill the shoes, I mean.  The only way to make this a better birthday present last year was to have Natalie Portman share equal time shirtless with Chris Hemsworth.  But back to this year.  As if Thor, the amazing Robert Downey Jr and equally amazing, but for different reasons, Scarlett Johannson weren't enough, Avengers gets HAWKEYE, my favorite archer not named Robin Hood, played by Jeremy Renner (of Unusuals unfame).


But the present parade doesn't end there.  Presumed abducted by aliens, writer Gideon Defoe makes a triumphant return with his The Pirates! Band of Misfits movie, which appears to combine multiple books into one cartoon movie.  As if just creating the movie wasn't enough, my friend Hollywood also asked David Tennant, aka the best Dr. Who ever, to voice a character.

Wait, there's more?  How could Hollywood be so generous, you may ask.  We go way back.  Coming out in a few short days is RIHANNA'S acting debut!  Sure, it's in the sure-to-be-crappy Battleship, which is SO untrue to the original game, but it's still a movie with Rihanna in it.  I'll assume this was Hollywood's idea of a gag gift.  Still, I'm definitely sending you a Thank You card this year, 'wood.

2011

Welcome, 2011! I'm so very glad you could join us, and I'm highly excited for your arrival. There's a great chance you'll be an amazing year!

The Green Lantern movie, which I've been waiting for for 15 years, is finally being made. And though I have questions about it, it's still Green Lantern. Even if the movie sucks, I'll still have a GL movie to watch and complain about. It's like they say, the worst sex is better than no sex. And if it's really that bad, there's still the Thor movie to look forward to. I'm not the biggest fan of 3D, but I pee my pants a little* every time I think about Mjolnir hurtling towards me.

*Not actually what I do, but my mom reads this.