And That's A Lot Cause I Got My Share...

Not yet 30, and I think I saw my first gray hair the other day. It was (and still is) sticking out from my head like some thin, gaudy neon warning light, letting me know that I'm either WAY too stressed out defending the constitution or I'm older than my birth certificate indicates. In either case, I've still got more rhymes than I got gray hairs...

Ignoring Me is Bliss

I recently completed teaching my first two live online SAT classes as a TA. The experience is very different from working at a center in front of the students. First off, it's obviously less personal. Secondly, there's WAY more students (40+) to contend with. Thirdly, it's an adjustment getting used to teaching with someone else. It's tough to sit back and work as a team with someone when you're used to being in charge of everything that happens. It's really tough when your teacher sings Miley Cyrus songs to the students. Lastly, pants are completely optional, and as a TA not on camera, so is a shirt.

The software used is fairly interesting. Made by Adobe, the students can all see and hear the teacher while following along with classroom slides and their books. The TA is in charge of a chat box and can send private messages to the students, who communicate their answers and ask questions. In theory, at least. The students actually find facebook a better way to spend their time and don't understand how to scroll up in a chat box, which accounts for the tremendous amount of questions. Students will repeat questions their fellow students just asked as well as questions they themselves just asked! I guess having 2 ways to communicate with students really just gives them two options on how to ignore you best.

This Dating Life: A Difference of Opinions

This pancakes-loving girl is great, and I'm really digging her, but there's one possibly irreconcilable issue that might come between us in the near future: animals! Sure, she thinks dogs are great, is in love with monkeys (and, like all women and dragons, shiny objects as well) and thinks cats are evil and stupid and poo-poo heads. However, she finds horses creepy (find me ONE OTHER WOMAN who doesn't love ponies!) and hippos terrifying, which is weird because I think she really means to say awesome. She also thinks tarantulas are cute and enjoys when they curl up in a ball on her arm and I'm worried she'll surprise me one day by throwing one at me. She also has no problem with octopi and squid, though she also has no problem eating them either. As long as her and HD continue, there will be less super-intelligent, dangerous and malevolent cephalapods to terrorize me. What's truly ludicrous is she thinks it's ridiculous to lock my door at night because squid and octopi may come visit, in camouflage or disguised as a boot or one of those creepy Chinese good fortune cats. GLOBAL WARMING, I protested. Sea levels are rising and shit, and I want to be prepared!

This Dating Life: A New Hope

"mmm...I like pancakes too," said a girl on plenty of fishes dot com.
"Well, I like composting also," said I. "That's a strong basis for AT LEAST a first date."
And it was. So we went to a wine bar, where I got to act like a connoisseur cause she didn't know anything about wine, and I ordered us two jugs and a nutella panino with vanilla gelato for her dinner. I was hooked.

Conversations with a Pot Head

A soft, repeated thumping startled me from my mission to throw out the garbage and check the mail Saturday night. It was my neighbor sitting in the passenger side of his van, trying to get my attention and lure me into his van. "Hey man, I just finished drinking this water bottle, and I had to smoke my blunt, so I figured I'd turn it into a bong. Just hangin' out and hot boxin in my dad's van." So we hung out for a while, during which time he continued to hot box. He told me how he was trying to open a 99 cent store, and when that didn't go over so well, told me he wanted to buy and open a bar. "Bro, it'll only take about 150 to raise. Me and my friend are gonna try it out. I got all the construction knowledge, I think it'd be great. People who own bars, they make a killing, just sit back and let the money pour in." I had a feeling I knew where it was going, and if there's one thing I know, it's you don't make a deal to buy a bar with your upstairs neighbor while he's hot boxin.

Man At Work

Updating my blog, taking photos, eating dinner and sleeping have all taken a backseat to working over the past month and a half. I'm still trying to get adjusted to working full time again (first full time job in the last two and a half years), along with teaching the SAT nights and weekends. I figure to make a lot of money now, then hibernate through next year's winter. It's been a very strange time though, as I went from working 06, 07 hours a week to the mirror image of 60 to 70 hours a week. Sacrifices need to be made, unfortunately, and that's resulted in both my blogs not being published as frequently, and a 17% loss in humor as well. On the positive side, check out this awesome ID and the swank suit!

This Dating Life, Cut Short

A while ago, in the very first of the mostly disastrous outcome "This Dating Life" series, I wrote how amazing it would be to be in a relationship you knew was doomed. No pressure at all, and with any luck, you could skip buying gifts at Valentine's Day and her birthday. I was actually able to realize this goal when I started to see a liberal, wanna-be Presbyterian pastor from Texas. Alas, it didn't even get to the "as a woman of the cloth, I'm not sure I can be with a Jew like you."

This Dating Life, Infinity

A rather attractive woman's profile said she was addicted to salty snacks, couldn't wink and wanted a funny, tall guy. I wrote to her and asked if she liked Combos (they're making a comeback, I hope) and then wrote the following: "I'm tall, and I'm willing to cover one of your eyes while you blink to make it look like you're winking, if you'd like." I meant it to be funny, but probably, offering to cover someone's eyes just comes off as creepy.

Conversations with a Moron

"Hey, 2010 Census, it's your turn!" That's how my new barber greeted me. I sat down in the chair and we started talking about the Census and how he speaks "4 languages...Russian, Hebrew, Farsi, Persian, English and 3 dialects. I was in high demand. Back in 2000, when I did it, I could do in 2 hours what it took others 8 hours to do, and I got paid by the case. Is it still the same?" I let him know I worked in the office and wasn't sure. "You got a really low test score then, almost failing probably," he assured me (I scored 100, actually.)

This all eventually led to...

Me: Oh, do you live in Briarwood?
I used to
Me: Cool. My mom works at the Briarwood library.
Why, do you live in Briarwood?
Me: No I'm from Queens but my mom works at the Briarwood library
So you don't live there?
Me: No, I used to live in Fresh Meadows with my parents.
Fresh Meadows and Briarwood, they are different places.
Me: Yes. I know. I didn't say I lived there. My mom works at the library there.
They are not the same.