I'm Allergic To...

Recently, I received my first physical in three years, which I was more excited than is probably normal for.  I was very brave during my tetanus shot (apparently you need one every 10 years, but if you can't remember your last one, it's ok to double or quadruple up) and blood-let like a champ (I'm very competitive).  Despite this, I did NOT receive a lolly or any stickers.  Perhaps I should return to my old pediatrician; he always had a stockpile of He-Man and GI Joe stickers for me.

What really had me excited was the blood test I was getting for allergies.  For many years, I'd been allergic to fresh strawberries, and now this test would tell me whether I'd outgrown that.  For eight, long, stressful, other adjective days after, I awaited the results.  Salvation came in the form of a phone message, letting me know I was allergic to apples and pears (I beg to differ), but no mention of strawberries.  I was cured!  Possibly even by the power of Greyskull.  A few years ago, I faced my aversion to pecan pie, and proudly declared it not yuck, which meant there wasn't a single pie I didn't like.  I could now say the same in the fresh fruit realm; there isn't a single, non-poisonous berry I can't, and won't, eat!

This elation was short-lived, however, as the phone message droned on and on about things I am allergic. Surprisingly, I'm allergic to mold, but only one kind.  There goes my plan to coat my apartment in mold.  I'm also severely allergic to hazelnuts, but am allowed to eat them (not logical), and a slew of trees: maple, birch, beech, elm, cotton wood, pecan / hickory, and finally, most allergic to oak trees, which is odd, because I used to play with acorns all the time as a kid.  I'll avoid trees as much as I can for now, but I think it's finally time those tall bastards got what they deserve.  Time to chop down forests!

Office Co-Workers Say the Darnedest Things

Manic co-worker, during a discussion on apples (side-note: she confesses to being an apple connoisseur, but has the WORSE taste in apples!!) in which she professed to only eating huge apples: "I only eat small apples when I'm desperate."

Eureka! A New Theory

I have deduced that tiny fruits are often times the most delicious fruits in the history of fruitdom. To prove this theory, I'd like to introduce exhibit A, satsuma tangerines. Exhibit B, clementines. And finally, Exhibit C. Blueberries. I rest my case. SCIENCE!

Morning Fruit

That's not a salutation, but an opener to a serious discussion on classification. It's simple, really. Apples are not morning fruits. I discovered this while trying to eat an apple with breakfast recently. Something just didn't feel right. Maybe, as Pkilla pointed out, it's the texture. Or maybe she's just bitter at apples because they try to poison her. We'll probably never know. What is considered a breakfast, or "morning," fruit, you might ask, adding the phrase "your excellency," most likely? I'm not entirely sure, but berries are in. So is most citrus, so long as it's not used to make a gin and tonic or ward off scurvy. Bananas, definitely. Most tropical fruits, especially mangoes, papaya, persimmons, kiwis. Figs, yes. Melons, yes. Grapes, ehhh. That's borderline. Raisins, like most dried fruit, fall into the morning category. Plums are more of an afternoon snack, but peaches and nectarines and apricots can be eaten with your Lucky Charms.

It's really just apples that have no place showing up to breakfast, or even brunch, despite all their sly talk of waking you up in the morning better than coffee. One a day might keep the doctor away, but make sure it's after breakfast or you'll hate yourself, is how the saying really went.