Spheres of Knowledge

I've always thought of myself as intelligent and smart. Mostly because people tell me I'm intelligent and smart, but also because I can fill out over HALF of the Metro crossword on a Monday, which is definitely the hardest day of the week. I surround myself with smart friends, and I only date smart women. Recently, however, I was dating a woman who made me question that fundamental belief in my own intelligence.

Some of my friends know things that I don't, and are really into topics, like computers and computer related stuff, that I'm not and I don't get. For example, there have been many conversations with Dynamo that have gone over my head, like this one, this one, or this one. With this lady, I was sometimes in awe of her intelligence. She seemed to constantly be able to speak intelligently and intellectually about whatever was in front of us, wherever we were. Her expertise, including Judaism, things Jews do and do not do, stuff Jews like, art, history of art, Jewish art and it's place in history, gender roles, sex therapy and gay affirmative therapy, seemed to pop up in everyday life all the time. My spheres of knowledge and expertise, which include the Mets, Thor, Green Lantern, bears, planting tomatoes, solving SAT geometry problems and knowing that cats are B-A-D/fundamentally evil, on the other hand, were not common in everyday life ever. Maybe in the future I'll stay out of gay Jewish art museums and stick to dates at Citi Field with women who work at a zoo.

Casino Knowledge

May 19th marked DJ turning as old as me minus 4 days. Puzzle that one out for a while. We went to Mohegan Sun for a boxing match, the ambiance and the extra income craps provides. Though I prefer MMA, my first live boxing card was pretty exciting and had all the glamor that an MMA match at a minor league stadium lacked. After the main event was over and everyone's favorite Rhodey, Peter Manfredo, won, we were able to get down to the second row and watch some pro debuts. Boxers punch hard. Fast too. Here are some other things I learned that night:

• Women's boxing is way less sexy than the internet led me to believe
• Cashing in chips, even if I had lost some, feels like a great deal for me. Here's plastic, here's money for that plastic. Win, win!
  
• The only thing more depressing than a casino at 4 PM on a Saturday is one in Rochester. I kid. Actually, I don't.
• The Roots are Jimmy Fallon's house band because Black Thought is locked up in his basement. Think about it. Have you seen Black Thought recently? Me neither!

Kids Say the Darnedest Things: Environmental Episode

Reading essays from high school juniors can always be enlightening. A recent practice SAT essay asked them if they thought man's progress and respect of nature were compatible ideas and forces. Most of them wrote the same drivel about saving the environment without backing it up. A couple courageously took the "screw nature" approach, again without backing it up. But the truly courageous decided to throw out facts and knowledge. One decided to discuss our tallest skyscrapers, which can reach AMAZING heights of 100 feet, which nature could never top. Another spoke about how nature has been around for ever, even in the "Ice Age, which was too cold for man to even come outside." Maybe it wasn't too cold. Maybe man had gotten stuck in his 2 foot tall apartment building, due to engineering not being invented by an all-knowing 1/2 man, 1/2 mammoth, 1/2 T-Rex king yet.

My Worst Fears Confirmed

Anyone who knows me well knows I'm completely freaked out by squid, octopi, and kraken. In order to hopefully reduce their numbers, I constantly encourage others to eat these foods/marine terrors, just not around me, because they're yuck. Also, I'm a little worried cephalopods have conquered death and calamari can jump up and attack you while you're eating them. Though you've all laughed at me over the years, hopefully now you'll hear and heed the alarm. There's definite proof in the scientific community that I may be right to be scared of these cunning, conniving, possible-aliens-from-another-planet beasts.

As if their weird eyes, sharpened parrot-like beaks, dangerously suckered arms, and camouflage ability wasn't scary enough, it seems octopi have also mastered the use of tools. And they're more intelligent than you rubes ever gave them credit for. So, beware unsuspecting divers. That harmless looking octopus using a cordless drill to put up shelves in it's lair will take a hammer to your knees without a second thought.