To Catch a Possum

This one time, at band camp, I caught a possum in a trap meant for a filthy feral cat. My neighbor decided to not let him out herself and also give him her leather jacket, in case he was cold or wanted to entertain us with his Fonz impression. Mr. Possum did not, but rather chose to grip on to the cage with his tiny monkey like paws while sort of snarling before scampering off to do whatever it is possums do when not playing dead. Overall, it was a pretty exciting day.

Call Me PRO-duce

If I ever became a gardening rapper/photographer, I'd be named PRO-duce.

Ecological Warfare

To combat a horrible mosquito problem in the backyard, I decided to go the organic/natural route and eliminate the bloodsuckers with biological control. I already had tiny goldfish living in my rain bucket to eat mosquito larvae and eggs, but I needed something to eat the adults too, so I bought a fire-bellied toad. I figured toads and frogs eat flying insects, with the exception of Kermit who is too celebrity to stoop to such levels. Plus, the fire belly is cool. I put Teddy Toad outside in his enclosed suite and left the sun roof open, hoping he'd pluck mosquitoes out of the sky. He didn't. After some research, I discovered that fire-bellied toads are from southeast Asia (which isn't actually relevant at all), are mildly toxic and eat worms and crickets, not flies, because they don't have a long tongue. I brought him inside and figured I could play fetch with him, or at the very least teach him tricks, like sitting in my hand without hopping away. Instead, whenever I'm near, he hops to the other side and presses himself against the plastic. Teddy even lets the crickets I bought for him walk all over him. So now I'm stuck with a toad with low self-esteem who won't really do the job I bought him for, can cause allergic reactions if I have open cuts on my hand and doesn't even like me.