Tales From a Co-Worker

Unfortunately, I had left work early, before this amazing exchange between my co-worker and a new guy:

New Guy: "So what part of eastern Europe is your family from?" (Because my coworker looks Eastern European, which is, in fact, where her family is from.)

Co-worker: My family is Polish.

New Guy: So that's like part of Russia? So then you speak Russian?

Co-worker: No, it's not part of Russia, it's a different country and a completely different language.

New Guy: How interesting. So you can't understand any Russian?

Exasperated Co-worker: No.

Office Co-Workers Say the Darnedest Things

Manic co-worker, during a discussion on apples (side-note: she confesses to being an apple connoisseur, but has the WORSE taste in apples!!) in which she professed to only eating huge apples: "I only eat small apples when I'm desperate."

Splinter Cell

Due to some outrage over the Super Bowl commercials and possible inefficiencies, I'm planning on forming a splinter cell of the US Census Bureau, tentatively named US Sense-us bureau. We put the "us" in Sense-us. The sensory, also.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things: Environmental Episode

Reading essays from high school juniors can always be enlightening. A recent practice SAT essay asked them if they thought man's progress and respect of nature were compatible ideas and forces. Most of them wrote the same drivel about saving the environment without backing it up. A couple courageously took the "screw nature" approach, again without backing it up. But the truly courageous decided to throw out facts and knowledge. One decided to discuss our tallest skyscrapers, which can reach AMAZING heights of 100 feet, which nature could never top. Another spoke about how nature has been around for ever, even in the "Ice Age, which was too cold for man to even come outside." Maybe it wasn't too cold. Maybe man had gotten stuck in his 2 foot tall apartment building, due to engineering not being invented by an all-knowing 1/2 man, 1/2 mammoth, 1/2 T-Rex king yet.

Office Humor Dos

Although I would have done the exact same thing as my supervisor, I found it ok to laugh at him for it. Barlos (NOTE: all names are slightly changed to barely protect the people's identities) came over with a Census Be Counted box and asked us how big we thought it was. While Tauren tried to give a real answer, I helpfully implored Barlos to use old-timey units of measurement, like cubits, femurs or nautical knots. Bom, our manager, winked at Bauren and I before stating the rather obvious: "Or, Barlos, you could use a ruler, like this one in front of you. Or any of the three, all right in front of you." We laughed and laughed and laughed.

Constitutional Defensing

The work of the Constitutional Defender is never over. He upholds Title XIII laws and protects personally identifiable information from evildoers, such as telemarketers, hackers, and the Soggies. He never rests. Well, except for times other than 8:30 AM to 5:00 PM, EST. And the 30 minute lunch break that's mandated. And my 15 minute morning break, 15 minute afternoon break, and time spent making tea or talking to coworkers. Other than that, the Constitutional Defender is ever-vigilant.

Don't Go

it's too soon
thinking of praying but to who
lost my faith some time ago
hanging on the old,
still say i'm spiritual
barely believe it myself anymore
but reassurance is needed
a belief in a plan, a savior
something to rest on make it easier

grasping at nothing not even straws
grasping for something daylight falls
another night away another night uncertain
you're in pain, you're hurting, you're alone
i'm sorry i'm not there
stay strong and fight
cause i can't

i'm too weak

Office Humor

Being able to relate to coworkers and make jokes at others' expense is one way to survive a job with often menial, boring work involved. What we may find funny while inside may appear crazy (and not funny at all) to those outside. For some proof, here's a note I passed to my fellow clerk after an employee made the 5th call to the Children's Guild* (but before the 6th one, which sent me into a fit of giggles manly laughter:

"This Andrew guy KEEPS trying to get in touch with the Children's Guild. Like, repeatedly. I think he may be broken."

*Guilds and Grand Knights in charge of the Knights of Columbus are frequent humorous objects.