This Dating Life: Series Canceled

Sorry ladies. This Dating Life has been canceled. I have found a lady friend who, against all odds, was not tricked into accepting that role.

Our Story, like any, starts with a beginning very familiar to most. At our first date, she was sick with the plague, but was kind enough not to pass it on to me by standing very far away and not wiping my shirt with her nose. It was attraction at first sight; I knew I had to have that snotty woman. After some great wine, great conversation, and mucus, we both realized what a stud I am and a 2nd date was sure to follow.

Luckily she made a quick recovery and became quite smitten with me when, during my road trip to Colorado, I called from the hotel in Nebraska and enthusiastically exclaimed I wanted to hug a lion. See, I had just seen a commercial for Chronicles of Narnia: CGI Lion Rules the Land, and one of the kids hugged the lion, and I got really excited and realized I was going to the Omaha Zoo the next day where there was sure to be a real lion and...afterwards I realized it was such an adult thing to do.

However, an excess of mucus (seriously...she was plague-y as all hell) is not enough to fully fuel a relationship. An exhibit on Houdini (I know, SUCH a romantic cliche), talk of fighting stances and a shared love of religious zealotry brought us closer. Close encounters with dangerous wild animals at Prospect Park (you do NOT want to get too close to bread a swan wants to eat) led to a budding romance. I know, I know. You've heard it a million times before. Really, just a typical boy meets girl kinda story.