A P-Killer Dedicated Polar Bear Update

This post is dedicated to P-killer, who always makes an effort to get me to write more consistently and considerately provides this blog space with humorous commentary. And as we all know, humorous posts plus humorous comments is a great recipe for chili.

It's been a solid 15 days (or what the experts refer to as "more than enough time to get a polar bear) now since we've painted the apartment "Polar Bear," and still no luck. Thinking perhaps the paint was not so much a lure as a way to transform our condos walls into living, breathing, actual polar bears, I started petting the walls. To no avail. Not only are the walls NOT super furry, cuddly and seal-hunt-ly, but they're filled with roller drip marks.

This proved my original idea of paint as a lure must have been correct, and yet so far only failure. Meditating on the problem, I thought maybe the polar bears were actually being camouflaged, and running out before we could properly introduce ourselves. To this end, I painted one wall "Chile Pepper," figuring there's no way a polar bear could blend in against a bright red/orange wall. That is, until I watched Lost and realized how smart they were. The bear could paint itself bright red/orange as well! This was going to be trickier than I thought.

On this same episode of Lost, however, I realized some polar bears (some, not all, before you start badgering innocents) are actually quite dangerous and live in caves on lush tropical islands and eat people with walking sticks. Dynamo had a cane, and maybe these clearly insane polar bears can't differentiate, so maybe it's best not to lure one in.

I'd do more research on this topic, but I've got to go paint my walls "Delicious Golden Honey." To lure in grizzly bears, of course.