At a recent housewarming party (at least, I assumed it was a housewarming party. Otherwise I wouldn't have brought that half full bottle of Absolut Currants Vodka I got for free as a housewarming present myself) a drunk woman asked me a bunch of questions. These included was I Jewish (preceded by "no offense"), if I was single, if I was interested in a blind date with her friend, if I drank (I was driving that night, so I only had seven none) and if I ever went into the city. I answered all the questions, but only because she told me I was kind of cute...I'm a sucker for compliments from women who are already spoken for.
I was then asked if me and Goldiloxx (code name for a friend) had ever dated. Before I could say anything, Goldi made some absurd (and completely uncalled for) gestures and faces as if she'd been stabbed by a knife that was coated in a disgusting substance, like vomit or sardines and vehemently said "Nooooo, unh-unh, noooo, nope, no, not something I'm interested in." A simple, "we never dated, but he's a great guy," would have sufficed.
Instead, Goldiloxx, who had previously introduced me to a woman with "This is ---------, he lives really far away from civilization, and you in particular, in case you had any thoughts of going home with him tonight or ever," basically told the nice woman who was interested in getting me a love life that I was undesirable (possibly due to boils all over my skin) and probably a horrible person. Thankfully, she forgot to mention that I drop kick kittens into the ocean.
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3 comments:
is that currants as in currants rolls, if so I want some of that vodka
yea man. i know a bakery. it's on church street.
Goldiloxxx would be a sick name for a Jewish adult film star.
Great post, by the way.
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