The world wide web of dating is rife with many pitfalls: crazy people, disappointing dates, and scams to get free meals. One thing I never thought I'd have to worry about though was a woman ruining a television show for me, until I got this message, responding to many of my professed interests:
"I really wanna go to the zoo. I could watch Forgetting Sarah Marshall over and over again. I want someone to teach me how to grow a decent strawberry patch. I want someone to watch Dexter with who was just as pleased when *REDACTED*. And someone who'll bake me mac n cheese then I'd make them fried ice cream. I'd also like someone who can reach the good wine glasses on the top shelf cause I'm too short. And someone who doesn't mind that I dance in my sleep."
Sure, there are positives. Zoos are some of my favorite places to go, more so during the fall and spring when kids are in school and can't ruin the experience for me. Anyone who recognizes the genius of F.S.M. clearly has good taste. I wouldn't mind someone dancing in their sleep, cause then they might be less likely to actually want to dance with me when we're both awake. However, then she's trying to put me to work. Strawberries are easy, as they spread like a weed. And sure, I can show off how tall I am and how long my arms are, but what do I get out of this? Can I use her head as a rest of my drink, to take advantage of her height as she is of mine? Finally, WHO REVEALS INFORMATION ABOUT A SHOW WITHOUT ASKING THE PERSON WHAT SEASON THEY'RE UP TO? An insensitive, unthinking jerk, that's who. Spoiler alert: We will NOT be going on a date. Ever.
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2 comments:
last season of Dexter sucked anyway
No revenge date? You should have gotten her to invite you over to her place. While she's in the bathroom you put all her stuff on the high shelves. Especially her silverware and maybe her medication. Depends on how important the meds are. Don't kill her, is what I'm saying. Later, you talk about all the movies she has or hasn't seen. "You seen Avatar? No? Crippled guy turns into one of the blue people at the end. Also, it kind of sucks. You seen The Avengers? No? Why the fuck not?"
At some point you steal her fruits and vegetables. I don't know. I really haven't thought this out.
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