Happy Hippity Hoppity Bunny Day

No, this year I won't be posting hilarious videos of the Cookie Bunny in order to celebrate Easter. Been there, done that. I will talk about another tradition, however. Every year for the last few, DJ's mom graciously invites me, Human Dynamo and some others for Christmas and Easter dinners, since I am of the Jewish persuasion and HD's mom doesn't really enjoy spending time with him. Being Sicilian (and 11% sub-Saharan too, but she's not constantly bragging about that or anything), Rosemary is an excellent chef (and person) and always cooks up delicious, 241 course meals. Along with Gary, DJ's funny and jovial father, and joined this year by HD's lady friend and Janet, we sat around the table for 4 hours, enjoying each other's company, Italian delicacies and delicious wine.

At some point in our deep, philosophical and serious conversations, we wondered if there were other groups of people enjoying Easter dinner and having the same discussions as us somewhere on the Earth. I hope so, cause if not, what the hell are we trying to save? So in order to unshroud (deshroud?) and dispel the mysteries surrounding our exchanges, I've listed some things we talked about and what I learned.

Things from Easter: No, Not Just An Excuse For Another List:

• Easter celebrators eat lamb, pork, veal or ham traditionally and not chicken or beef. This is most likely because chickens and cows have traditionally denied Jesus' rising 3 days later.
• It's possible Jesus didn't die on the cross according to a show Rosemary and Gary saw on the History Channel. His followers somehow infiltrated the cross hanging group, probably through ninjitsu means, and lowered him after 3 hours. Treating his wounds in the crypt, Jesus was able to emerge 3 days later and ride off into the sunset. This is mostly supported by his autobiography, supplemented by concrete photographic evidence.
• I'm pretty sure I had heard that theory before too, and it even went further to suggest Jesus sired a male heir and there's a whole bloodline. I'm also pretty sure this theory was put forth in Preacher, somewhere between issues #6 and #12.
• The Dalai Llama inadvertently caused traffic on the West Side Highway that almost led to me being late for dinner, a tragedy since the only thing I was asked to bring was myself on time (a truly incalculably valuable gift to anyone who knows me even a little).

• Janet is the most generous and greatest person I know. She brought me a cup full of delicious, organic jelly beans stolen from Google's CEO's desk, comics from Australia and New Zealand, unbelievably delicious South African white wine, and is semi-willing to have my children, presumably if nothing better comes along.
• Our kids would have superior DNA. I proved it scientifically.
• This qualified as easily the greatest Easter ever, and perhaps even the best day in, if not ever, at least all of March (which feels like forever) as, in addition to the embarrassment of riches already mentioned, I received two boxes worth of comics from DJ. Good thing I'm not working right now, as it'll probably take me the next 3 weeks to read all of them.
• We almost had cookie bread this year. Maybe next year there will be onion wings too.
  

• DJ's 12 year-long-and-counting plan to keep me and one or both of his fine female friends apart may be coming to an end. My biggest obstacle at this point may be choosing which one of the sisters to make an honest woman out of. Probably the medical student who will no doubt be willing to completely provide for me so I can continue my life of luxurious lethargy.
• List within a list of qualifications so Rosemary can upsell me:

1. Height. I've got being tall working for me.
2. Wittiness
3. I love to eat food
4. I'm cultured. By this, I mean we came to consensus that I could talk about bears for weeks and had knowledge of marzipan from different parts of the world.
5. I've traveled and would like to more
   
6. I was told being unemployed probably isn't that attractive. But that can be spun. I'm a free-lancer who loves freedom and free food and can travel to say, Philadelphia for a long-distance romance due to my free time. Not to freeload, of course.

• Batman can't really hire sub-contractors or outsource his work. I mean, even if he doesn't have them add the bat logo to everything, how many people are really ordering utility belts for non-superhero or villain purposes? HD pointed out that in Batman Begins, Bruce and Alfred set up shell companies and order everything in parts to later assemble, as well as bulk orders of things like his mask, but still, it seems like even this would cause suspicion. Thinking about this also gave me new found respect for Bruce, because he put together the Batcomputer (which is probably the world's smartest computer), the Batmobile and...well, everything in the Batcave. He's a man of tremendous skills, resources and disguises.

I hope you've enjoyed the tales of our confabulations, and perhaps next year can integrate some of these flawlessly into your own dinner table discussions to enhance Easter. "Please pass the potatoes, which may have been grown by a member of Jesus' bloodline."