What's a "Coatamundi," You Ask?*

DJ decided to take a long weekend, but only if HD and I would join him on a Great Adventure mostly of his choosing. I agreed to drive under one condition: we got to go on the Safari. I keep seeing commercials on TV where giraffes eat milkshakes out of your sunroof and elephants sit on your hood, so I was pretty psyched. I let DJ drive so I could ride shotgun and take photos, and Dynamo hung in the back with a bag of jerky in case he needed to taunt any Sasquatches on the trails. At first the safari was pretty boring, with only bison and emus and North American deer to see, but it soon picked up and I saw all sorts of antelope from Africa, along with too many ostriches, some zebras and some far away giraffes. Being able to spot wild rhinos in their natural habitat of a New Jersey theme park from only a few, barrier-free feet away was incredible. After a couple minutes driving around, I realized two major flaws to sitting shotgun: I couldn't open my own window to pet any of the animals and DJ wouldn't drive how I wanted (slower and off the paths so I could wrangle a zebra).

All of a sudden, we were done in Africa and entered the holy land: an entire area full of A LOT of black bears that weren't in cages. In my excitement, I managed to only come up with an estimate of like, 67 bears. I may have also shrieked with glee when one of the bears padded by the car like an oversized dog, and screamed in frustration when I couldn't pet him. We made it through after many joyful outbursts from me, and as we pulled into the next area, a sadness and longing to drive in reverse filled me. Sure, tigers and lions were great, but they couldn't fill me with happiness like bears do. And then, a miracle occurred. I started the day without any expectations for bears, and all of a sudden, we were in a second bear area for European brown bears. It was like a bear resurrection or something, and I felt like people probably did when Jesus rose; he was great the first time around, so there's no doubt he'll be great the second time too, though he'll be slightly different, like European instead of a black bear Jesus.

Unfortunately, DJ made us leave the bears area before we could see how a bear playing with a stick in a pond would play out. I guess "to be continued..." By the time the safari was over, I noticed we were the only car that was filled solely with "adults." DJ and Dynamo headed straight for the roller coasters when we got inside the park, while I found a shady section of grass and took a nap, pooped from my earlier great adventures.






*O yea, they had coatamundis in an area that was mostly for kids but still kind of fun. If you don't know what they are, look it up. I can't spoon feed you everything!