A recent holiday card from Dee and Marty Mart featuring their beautiful baby on it reminded me of my one encounter with the child and how I further compared favorably with her.
- I can hold my own head up, by using my NECK.* Maybe you need to hit the gym, baby? Or just get one of these!
- I can eat solid foods. Cause I got TEETH! OHHHHHHH!!!
- I've outgrown pooing in a diaper. However, I'm going to give you this point, baby, because you can do the worst things, like POOING WHILE SITTING ON SOMEONE'S LAP, and they think it's cute. They don't just forgive your faux pas, they embrace them! Not me though. I can see through the goo goo ga ga and the crying. I know you're taking advantage of the situation, and you need to stop, baby!**
So, once again, I'm better than you, tiny baby. I'll give you this, it's getting closer. Of course, you're going to grow up bilingual, loved by two amazing parents, and if your current cuteness is any predictor, very cute. For now, however, I'm going to relish being better than you.
*This is one of the reasons holding a baby freaked me out
**This is the other. Spitting up and taking craps? Pass.
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