St. Lucia Vol. 4 - I Hope There's No Mosquitoes

My second, non-romantical trip to St. Lucia with Human Dynamo began as all trips to the Caribbean do: being woken up at 3 AM to ride to the airport. It's been a while since I've traveled, but the tedium of airport security has not subsided. I found out you're not allowed to carry overly ornate hats in plastic bags because the bag could be used as a weapon. I also found out that HD should always do the packing for his mom. The usual "hurry up, rush, wait in line" philosophy failed to hamper my excitement; this time, we were transferring to a flight in Atlanta, Georgia. Dreams of running into Big Boi or Andre, anyone from Goodie Mob or Ludacris danced through my head like scantily clad sugar plum fairies in a rap video.

Imagine my disappointment when the Atlanta airport was not quite as expected. There was NO fish and grits, NO pimp shit, and NOBODY said O-yea-yer! There were no marching bands, and I couldn't even pretend there were airplanes in the night sky. Instead, Faith Hill serenaded all the travelers with This Kiss. Maybe 7 AM is too early to expect some real down south music. Our departure gate was right by our arrival, and everything went pretty smoothly. We landed in southern St. Lucia at the Vieux Fort airport (pronounced "Vie-Eee-Ux Four Airpour") where we were met by HD's godmother, who kindly drove us to his grandmother and grandfather's house. There, I was forced to eat delicious fish and watched millions of chickens play chicken in the backyard, as cherries and cashew fruit fell liberally, coating the landscape in cherry and cashew fruit colors. And chicken poop.

This, however, was only a stopover for us. HD and I were getting to stay with his uncle and aunt in Rodney Bay, in the lap of luxury (we assumed). We each got our own room, complete with no air conditioner and no fan. Oh, and the nice area they lived in was flat, so there was no wind. And it was in the Caribbean. The first night was horrible. Sleep was impossible, and not just due to the balmy 150 degrees. Keeping the windows open meant mosquitoes could get in and I got to hear every single cricket sing it's song. St. Lucian crickets aren't normal size either, but more like Godzilla. Dynamo had skeeters in his ears all night, which I thought I escaped, but when I woke up, my legs looked like a twisted Connect the Dots, played by drunks with only red pieces. It also rains a lot, but only for 10-15 minutes at a time. So it would be 2 AM, I'd finally overcome the heat to get back to sleep, and then BAM, rain thunders down on the roof and in buckets. Usually rain helps cool things off, but it was constantly opposite day, so as soon as it was done waking me up, everything was hot again. I was rather grouchy the next day, but 2 days later we both got fans, and that helped a lot. Who would have thought July in St. Lucia would be hot?