Adulthood Strikes Part the Second

I recently had a revelation that I missed out on my 2os. Everyone's twenties is all about uncertain living conditions, struggle for a job, hard partying, lack of responsibility, etc. Out of college, I was lucky enough to live with my parents, so it didn't matter if I had a job or not. They were kind enough to provide for me for a nominal rent fee of $100 a month when I could afford it, and I worked odd jobs like tutoring a 7th grader for the SAT to please his overbearing overachieving parents or setting up and shooting product shots for K-Mart of Orange County Choppers' cologne to get spending money. While I'd get sick of sitting around playing video games instead of applying for a full time job (I was convinced any day I'd make it as a photographer and needed to keep my options open), or frustrated that my friends were at work during the day rather than hanging out with me, I never really worried about much. People I knew were moving hundreds of miles away after college and trying to make it on their own, while I was safe and secure, if a bit stuck in adolescence, in my parents' apartment.

It's four years later, and somehow I've aged 10-15 years. At age 25, I got a yoke attached when I co-bought a condo with Human Dynamo, my close friend since I was 15. It's been great, since I have a backyard and we were able to modify the apartment as we saw fit, mostly (no fireman's pole or secret entrances and trapdoors, yet). However, most of my friends my age have moved around a couple of times since college ended, traveling and living free. Oh, and the housing market has since crashed, meaning had I waited my current castle may have been cheaper. I've become rather domestic too. Sometimes it just feels like I'm in my 30s, and I know my days of freedom, if not over, are numbered. As a man with a commitment, I can't just up and leave for Italy or California without giving serious thought to my ties here.

All this really leads up to me turning 27 today, and so far not getting the only gift I really want: a sun bear. They're the smallest of all bears, weighing in between 100 and 150 pounds as an adult at a length of 4 1/2 feet, putting them on par with a Newfoundland. Keep in mind when reading the following excerpt from the Honolulu Zoo's website that I have neither a cocoa or coconut plantation, nor are any to be found in Brooklyn. Their high reproductive rate is impressive and useful, as I could soon have an army of semi-slothful tree climbing bear-soldiers* at my beck and call.

The Malayan sun bear is the smallest member of the bear family. It is also the one with the shortest and sleekest coat - perhaps an adaptation to a lowland equatorial climate.

These animals grow to approximately four and a half feet in length and have a tiny, two-inch tail. Their average weight is less than 100 pounds. The short-haired, deep black or brown-black fur is interrupted on the chest by a pale orange-yellow horseshoe-shaped marking. In folklore, this yellow crescent is said to represent the rising sun and is apparently the origin of the name sun bear.

They have a long narrow tongue which can be extended quite far. The long sickle-shaped claws on all four feet and the large, inward-oriented feet are most reminiscent of the sloth bear. Malayan sun bears are skillful climbers, a useful ability for a species which spends a lot of time climbing trees to get fruit.

DISTRIBUTION and HABITAT:

Although they inhabit both lowlands and highlands, the Sun bears are primarily forest dwellers. They rest and feed in trees in tropical to subtropical regions of Southeast Asia - Borneo, Sumatra, Malay Peninsula, Kampuchea, Vietnam, Laos, Burma, and possibly southern China.

BEHAVIOR:

Relatively low weight, strongly curved claws, and large paws with naked soles help to make the Sun bear an adept climber. It is primarily nocturnal, frequently resting or sunbathing during the day on a platform of broken branches several feet above ground level.

Malayan sun bears sometimes cause a great deal of damage to coconut palms and on cocoa plantations. Young cubs are so lively, playful and attractive that they are often kept as pets in their native lands, but they become treacherously bad-tempered as they grow older.

In zoos, Malayan sun bears often scratch one stone after another out of walls, using their sharp claws.

DIET:

Malayan sun bears are omnivorous. They eat small vertebrates such as lizards and nesting birds and fruit. They are also very fond of honey.

REPRODUCTION and GROWTH:

Sun bears may mate at any time of year; they are thought to have only one mate. Two or three cubs are usually born after a gestation period of 96 days. The young, usually weighing 10-15 ounces each, are suckled for about 18 months. Females reach sexual maturity at about three years and males at four years. These bears live 25 to 28 years in captivity.

Sure, the shared fondness of honey could be a problem, as I envision us comically getting angry with each other whenever Apollo or I finished the honey and didn't buy a new one, but it would also be something we have in common. What does the first half of this post have to do with the last? Well, if I didn't have this condo and 29 years left on my mortgage, I could currently be in Myanmar with a sun bear friend, rather than fruitlessly trying to bribe a local zoo for the release of their ursine captives.


*There were so many good links for bear-soldier, and I wanted to post them all. Here are a few more: Link 1, Link2, Link 3 and Link 4