The Assassination of My Attention Span by the Coward Robert Ford

Alright, I haven't done a review in a while, but James Cash has Netflix, so a lot of movies come through here. A lot of discs of Arrested Development too, which may be why I'm a little disappointed and surprised that it's Hugh Ross narrating The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford rather than Ron Howard. I felt the movie was full of cons and sprinkled with pros, but could see how critics loved it and how it was nominated for a couple Oscars (which I don't believe in anyway).

For starters, two and a half hours is a long time for a movie, especially one without any bears. I didn't like the selective focus in many scenes, though I did love the fog and mystery in the first train robbing scene. There were too many "the clouds are moving fast to signify passing of time" moments, and too many characters with too many names. It was hard to keep things straight, and I felt like the octogenarian at the movies who has to keep asking who a character is and what's happening now. Most of my other complaints of the film come from not realizing it wasn't going to be an action movie. While watching, I couldn't help but compare it to "3:1o to Yuma," the only other Western I'd seen in quite a while. I thought Yuma was better, due to it having more action, more clip-clopping of horses and more Luke Wilson, though I know this was a more character driven plot. Also, the title kind of gave away how the movie was going to end. Imagine if the Sixth Sense had been renamed "The Sixth Sense of Being Able to See Dead People, Like Bruce Willis." Honestly, Jesse James should have had a spoiler alert in the title. The ending is a bit of a downer too.

I was only vaguely familiar with the Jesse James story, but had remembered him being completely awesome. Apparently that wasn't the case, as he was portrayed as a paranoid, violent asshole of a man. Casey Affleck was real good in the movie, but I couldn't help thinking to myself "hey, wow, Casey Affleck killed Jesse James. This on top of him being a total badass in 'Gone Baby Gone.' Casey's so much better than Ben." Robert Ford was weird as hell, seemingly in love with Jesse, and like everyone else in the movie, a horrible liar. You'd figure in the Wild West, everyone would know about poker faces and not sweating while recounting a made up story of slipping on the roof or where someone they killed was "hiding out." You'd be wrong.

On the pro side, I did pick up the use of "peckerwood" as a salutary phrase.