Jobs Ahoy!

While technically there hasn't been much change in my employment status, I did recently pass an interview with flying colors* and come second week of June, I'll be the newest and proudest member of the WCS family. That's right. I've been hired as a volunteer wallaby hugger and river otter playmate at the Prospect Park Zoo. Yes, Prospect Park has a zoo. Yes, it's in Brooklyn. Yes, seriously.

To start with, I'll be working in their Discovery center as an adult supervisor, with animals like kestrels, tarantulas and some other things which I didn't hear because I was busy feeling squeamish about icky spiders and other invertebrates that freak me out. I can only assume one of my duties will be throwing kestrels at kids. Or, at the very least, supervising them in the proper manner of throwing kestrels at each other, as only an adult like myself could.

I'll be issued a uniform shirt, and am allowed to wear bermuda shorts; there isn't much of a dress code, because as an adult, I'll know how to be properly dressed at all times. It goes with the territory. No doubt I'll also be beating women off with a stick, because it's a proper fact that women love a man in uniform. Eventually I'll get to give talks to kids and educate them on how much better a bear is than whatever animal I'm holding and supposed to be talking about is. First, of course, I'll have to go through animal handling training, which will undoubtedly make me even more irresistible. Women can't control themselves around uniformed adults who are allowed to hold porcupines and know things about them. True fact.

The only thing I'm still uncertain about is how much and how often they'll be paying me. I mean, I'm not planning on volunteering for free or out of the goodness of my heart. If suitable monetary compensation cannot be agreed upon, I'll gladly take my pay in wallabies. I'm easy going and flexible like that.


*This, despite me feeling the need to bring up my totally rational fear/hatred of squid and octopi. Damned parrot like beaks and multi-suckered tentacles.