Zing! Zang! Zoom!

Those are the magic words spoken by the Ringmaster and Levitatia at the beginning of the new Ringling Brothers Barnum & Bailey Circus. These words can be used to levitate children's parents and turn a person into a tiger, but unfortunately they can't make children care about anything but the animals and the clowns. The show started off in typical showmanship form, with bright lights, bright colors and much movement. Scientifically, kids can only see shiny or glittery objects and clowns, and the circus knows that. The circus also knows that kids try everything they see at home, like being a clown and taming the neighborhood tigers, so they included a special song, sung no less than 4 times throughout: the Disclaimer Song. It doesn't matter what kind of music it's set to or how scantily clad the dancers are, "Don't try this at home" isn't a song that makes me think upbeat and fun times.

Much had changed for the better since my last circus, where the main attraction was some hack clown with high spiked hair. This year, the circus not only had a champion in the Ringmaster, but also an enemy in Mr. Gravity. Yet it still couldn't hold a candle to my childhood experiences. Maybe it was the magic of it all, or maybe I just had problems focusing as a kid, but 3-ring circuses were 2 rings too many. Now, as an (immature) adult, I use my peripherals. Gunther Gebel-Williams, the greatest wildlife trainer of all time, holds a particularly special place in my heart. He had style, flash, class and panache. The man has photos where a full grown leopard is draped over his shoulders. Suck it, Siegfried and Roy! Nowadays, trainers are hacks. I kept rooting for the tigers and elephants over their trainers. Also, I badly wanted to befriend a zebra.

The more things change, the more they stay the same. This was never more evident than clowns doing 3 Stooges routines and getting loud laughter from the audience, which was oddly silent during the see-saw swing trapeze act and all other gymnastic routines. While I was incredibly impressed by the athleticism and feats performed by the aerial acrobats, Zing! Zang! Zoom! couldn't bring the magic back to the circus for me. I appreciated everything I saw on a level I couldn't, or didn't, as a kid, but that sparkle was absent. It left me with just one question: What about the firefighter clowns?