Newport Day 3: How TIme and Space Separated Sherman from Giada

Day the third in Newport was one I looked forward to quite fondly. The previous night had been fun, with me getting a self-assigned "C" on wing-man duty performances and thoroughly enjoying the fan's drowning out of any child noises. My old roommate Jesse was coming down from Providence for the day to be intimidated by HD's Prius and wonder what kind of wizardry allowed the car to move so stealthily. Despite his initial trepidation and many confrontations with the disembodied GPS voice, we managed to convince him the car wouldn't attempt to kill him and scored 50 cent muffins. We Crip-walked on the Cliff Walk, which is a 3 mile-long "trail" with a plummet down the cliff on one side and completely obscured mansions on the other. We managed to go 3/4 mile (if I'm being generous), but it's not the distance you travel that's important. It's how many fish did Jesse heal and save from being stuck in a tiny tidal pool, releasing them back into the water, that's important. And ye shall tell tales of Fish Jesus, and what miracles he has performed.

Rhode Island is experiencing a surge in working farms, and Newport especially is a great agritourism destination. That's agriculturally + tourism. We went to one of the nearby vineyards, Sakonnet Vineyards (pronounced immaturely as Suckonit) for a tasting and to make fun of the lady who served us wine. Driving through the town of Suckonit, we noticed a Suckonit Pizza, a Suckonit Yacht club, and signs for Sustainable Suckonit. When Jamie and his lady when last year, I found the joke amusing, but it wasn't till I was in Sakonnet that I realized the genius of it. After sampling some delicious (Gewurtztraminer, port) and not delicious (Vidal Blanc, Winterwine, Cabernet Franc), we headed to Anthony's, an unassuming seafood restaurant that seemed to cater to locals, or at least people who despise atmosphere and decor. The food, however, was delicious. I paired my king crab legs and scallops with a late harvest 2009 Dr. Pepper, which allowed all 23 flavors to shine through delightfully and added a playful touch with a wisp of cherries.

Finally, we headed back into town to grab gelato at a gelateria frequented by Giada Laurentiis in the hopes that HD would finally be able to make an honest woman out of her. After she left her husband, of course. Alas, it was not meant to be. We drove back to Brooklyn, slightly disappointed, yet content in the knowledge that the mascarpone and peas he bought would eventually lure Giada over.

Secretive mansions hiding behind whatever they can on the Cliff Walk

Cliff, of Cliff Walk fame

This is the rare Newport Slow Snail of Many Colors and Small Stature, on a leaf.

Chardonnays are way more bullshit than Merlot, Mr. Giamatti

Ah yes, 2009 was a fine year

Basil gelato + spoon = HD doing his best J-Live impression

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