YOOO JOE

Despite everything I thought and assumed from the trailers, GI Joe was not a horrible movie. Don't get me wrong. It wasn't good. However, it's worth a watch, as much as if not more so than Wolverine Origins, especially if you're willing to close your eyes and ears at the end and not see or hear the whiny kid from 3rd Rock from the Sun become Cobra Commander. It's like he was suffering from the same throat soreness that afflicted Christian Bale throughout Dark Knight so he couldn't talk in his normal voice.

What made this movie ok was no over-reliance on the bullshit accelerator suits, unlike how the trailers portrayed it. I thoroughly enjoyed the 9th Doctor (Dr. Who, yo!) as Destro, and what's his name was good as Hawk. Also, Marlon Wayans is surprisingly good as Ripcord. Not because he reminds me of the Ripcord of my youth, but because he added some nice humor to the mix. Lastly, Sienna Miller. Damn. Sienna Miller. She was a FANTASTIC Baroness von Slut. Good god.

On to the bad. There's no Roadblock. How are you going to make a GI Joe without Roadblock, who's honestly in the top 3 Joes of all time (Snakeyes and Shipwreck are the other two, ps)? Heavy Duty is a poor substitute for his rhyme-talking, ridiculous machine gun holding, chef of a cousin. There weren't enough Joes or vehicles, ditto for Cobra's side. While adding Brendan Fraser as a fake-ass Gung-ho was a nice cameo touch, why didn't Sgt Slaughter make it into this? I know I would have enjoyed seeing him put Joseph Gordon Levitt in the Camel Clutch.