Halloween

I've become increasingly less enamored with Halloween. It's still a more sacred holiday to me, than say Bastille day, but for how long? I've been driven to this position by costumes, as well as my neighbors.

Now I'm not attacking all the cute little kids in costumes. At least, not right now. But I will, to steal all their candy, and then I'd be the Candy Don, ruler of the sugar market. I think children usually dress up cute, and I applaud parents for taking them around, like a pack of really dense locusts, whatever area they live in to get food that will rot their teeth. In addition, I officially approve of costumes for women. So what if they're completely ridiculous, and basically an excuse for women to dress up like sluts. I remember Halloween parties in college where every single woman was either a sexy nurse, a sexy angel, a sexy devil, a sexy catwoman, or in very rare cases, a slutty, strip teasing, sexy nurse who moonlights as Catwoman. Thus is my concept of Heaven.

My problem isn't even that I never have a really good idea for Halloween, and if I did I think of it in February and then forget it well before the time to implement it. My problem is I can't dress up for Halloween without revealing my secret identity:



















A few of my neighbors have put up a ridiculous amount of tacky decorations, including, but not limited to: saran wrapper bats on the walls, fake cobwebs on plants with plastic spiders, a sad looking dracula but an excited Frankenstein, etc. Do they keep all this elaborate nonsense the entire year? It seems a shame to throw it out, especially the giant skeleton on the door. The worst part, however, is a witch in the corner of the hallway, which everytime I walk past, I think is a person lurking to get me, and I immediately drop into Chuck Norris mode. The damned wicked witch also apparently lights up and cackles. I'm gonna drop kick that motherfucker!