The Strongest Bird

At my superbly creative job, I'm in charge of digitalness. One aspect of this tremendous responsibility is handing hard metal objects, with cords and cables, to creative types who take said objects, head to Brazil for a week, and drink on the beach. The metal objects, or hard drives, which should be used to store images in the form of digital information, are more often used as frisbees or pawned to buy more caipirinhas.

To keep these coveted items safe, I ordered Pelican cases, which are hard on the outside, soft on the inside (think Arnold Schwarzenegger in "Kindergarten Cop"). These suckers are tough. A tank could run over them, even stopping to rest on them while the driver does presumably more important things (like shoot at the enemy a la G.I. Joe) and the case would hold up.

But like all superheroes and strong cases, Pelican has its weaknesses. While searching the website, I found the comforting "Pelican Unconditional Lifetime Guarantee of Excellence" section. This was followed by the less comforting "The above guarantee does not cover sharkbite, bear attack or children under 5" section. I wonder if real pelicans need be so worried by Jaws, ursines and toddlers.