The Downward Facing Dog is a Bitch

Tonight I decided to try yoga for the first time. For the health benefits and peace of mind, of course. Flexible females, and the impressing of them, had nothing to do with it. It was a free one day trial, held in a conference room next to our kitchen. Ok, so I can't touch my toes. I wasn't expecting the first class to be easy. Just maybe, I don't know, more relaxing. Less...impossible. I couldn't even do the corpse pose correctly, and that involved lying on my back with my arms stretched out to the sides.

The instructor was very nice, and extremely helpful through it all. One of my favorite pieces of advice was after telling us to close our eyes, she reminded us "if you can see anything, your eyes are not closed." Later, while doing a spinal twist (not what Chuck Berry had in mind), she urged me to "make your chest and hips further apart." Well, OK! If you say so. She assisted by pushing and pulling various body parts in opposing directions. It was a little like being stretched on the rack, only with the executioner constantly disparaging you. "No, no, no! Be relaxed while the machine turns, it's the only way to properly stretch your limbs out. You're getting tortured ALL WRONG!"

The last time I had really stretched was playing junior varsity basketball in 10th grade, and I've decided this will really benefit me. Again, nothing to do with flexible females. However, it's going to take a lot of practice on my part to get passable at this. Determined to do yoga, I ended up looking more like Yogi Bear than a yogi.