Eagle Eye

To steal from Jesse's movie review technique, I give this movie 7 "Will Smiths with bionic arms in wife beaters" out of 10 possible "Will Smiths" for being a movie that's already been done. Oh, major spoilers ahead. By that, I mean I plan on giving away everything in the movie.

The action in Eagle Eye is fantastic, and non-stop. By fantastic, I mean relating to fantasy, and by non-stop I mean just that. It never ends, and maybe there's too much of it. I don't believe Michelle Monaghan is a good enough driver to pull off many of the moves she pulls while trying to get away from the cops. A million cars get totaled in the chase scenes, as Shia and Michelle are aided by someone with immense control over all technology, someone who makes lights turn green or red at will and gets a crane to run over a cop car. Seems like overkill to me. I spent much of the movie wanting to know who the mysterious woman who called both characters and left them messages everywhere and coordinated everything so they could get away was, only to be disappointed to find out it was a robot. Wait, no, not a robot. It was some sort of supercomputer that could watch everything and interface with everything and was meant to monitor humanity and make things better but ended up going all bad ass and thinking it had to control everything. Plot sound familiar? *Cough irobot Cough*

Why the Thing was in the movie, but the rest of Fantastic Four was missing, threw me for a little while as well, but I soon found other things to complain about. The movie is insanely long, and ends like this: Rosario Dawson and the guy who watches the computer figure out Shia's twin brother (who is much less of a screw up than Shia) sent them a message that the computer is evil, and they need to take it down. The computer's physical form, outside of it's computery looking parts, is an eye that goes round and round in a circle. Rosario and guy go to a high platform to do something to the eye's liquid nitrogen core, when the eye knocks them both off. Seriously. A huge sphere vs. Rosario and some guy who has a gun. And it's winning. They're in water, because for some reason the eye has a moat, yet no sea monsters to detract invaders, and things are all going to hell, so Rosario takes a big piece of pipe and jams it in the center of the eye, and it's over. That's it. Just jam a pipe in it's eye and it's over. Meanwhile, Shia, who made it into a secure area after beating up highly trained guards, shoots a gun in the air to prevent Michelle's kid from playing the note on his trumpet which has a sonic bomb-goer-offer device in it. Since he's shooting his gun in a room full of government types, he gets taken like 50 Cent by the Secret Service. At least 5 shots hit him. Oh, but he's still alive, as the last scenes point out, and he visits Michelle for her son's birthday and there's a kiss on the cheek and the movie ends.

That's it. That's the end. Over two hours of ridiculousness, with people doing everything for a computer, scared to death of it, and that's how the movie ends. No seeing Michelle in some lingerie, no Will Smith showing up to tell Shia to go home and not adapt his old movie, no Star Scream showing up to cackle and plot. That reminds me, I can't wait to see Shia in Transformers 2.