Things I Might Have Thought Had I Been Thinking

Sorry DJ Gallo for sorta ripping you off. But I think I thought of thinking about this first.

So I watched the VP debate weeks ago, eagerly, as did everyone else. I wanted to watch Joe "Mad Dog" Biden put his foot in his foaming mouth before squashing the completely incompetent and out of her mind Sarah Palin. I wanted to see her embarrass herself, say stupid things, and feel completely out of her league, like a child in a grown-up conversation. For the most part, she disappointed, though she started out strong by basically announcing she was refusing to answer the actual questions and would talk about what she wanted. Way to go, maverick!

I found the debate pretty frustrating, as Palin and Biden were mostly just mouthpieces for Barack and John "MC JohnnyCaneCakes" McCain. Joe was often on the defensive as Palin just made things up, and he had to often repeat that what she said was untrue, because she would keep repeating her lies. Here are some more observations, in list form:

-Palin thinks Biden is old, but doesn't think McCain is.

-Palin needs to learn basic punctuation uses, such as commas and periods, and to pause for breath while speaking in 10 minute long run-on sentences.

-Joe Biden just said "Only 10 percent of the people who are -- have been affected by this whole switch from Chapter 7 to Chapter 13 -- it gets complicated." And then didn't explain it.

-Palin has claimed she and McCain wouldn't take anything off the table (referring to promises of programs made to voters) despite the current economic crisis. So, Sarah (may I call you Sarah?), how do you plan to pay for everything, if you're not going to raise taxes and you're not going to leave Iraq?

-None of Palin's sentences make sense. I don't know if that's because of the run-on, or what, but it seems she takes the question, doesn't answer it, twists things around, and then just says words, hoping they'll combine to form a coherent thought, such as: "to positively affect the outcome." She's like a white, female Xzibit...talking a lot, but not saying a thing.

-"Joe Biden would like to interject that Joe Biden and Sarah Palin have a difference of opinion, because her and Joe Biden don't agree on what Joe Biden is talking about." Congratulations sir, you've just now referred to yourself in the 3rd person for the 100th time.

-You've also referred to McCain as your friend for the 100th time. Forget which side you're on, Senator Biden? It's not your job to defend McCain. When are you going to smash Palin already? I know all the pundits said you couldn't, because it would make you seem like a bully, but Joe Biden doesn't have to listen to anyone Joe Biden doesn't wish to. The alternative is letting Palin spend the entire debate lying.

-"Nucular." Seriously? Palin, it's nuclear. You are able to clearly say Ahmadinejad (no small task) but not nuclear? It makes you sound more like a folksy moron.

-I think Palin was about to start talking about the Castro Brothers as two Cuban plumbers who had to fight Bowser and eat mushrooms to grow large.

-Here's what I imagine Sarah Palin's "good talk" with Dr. Henry Kissinger went like:
Sarah: "Hi Henry. Can I call you Henry?"
Kissinger: "No."
Sarah: "Okie dokie Henry. You ever hunt a moose, or a Russian? I can field dress either. Can I have your recipe for oatmeal raisin cookies?"
Kissinger: "No."
Sarah: "Thanks Doc. Good talk."

-"Say it ain't so, Joe, there you go again pointing backwards again. You preferenced your whole comment with the Bush administration. Now doggone it, let's look ahead and tell Americans what we have to plan to do for them in the future." There was a lot of that in the debate, despite Palin constantly talking about the last 8 years and how folks need change.

-I know a lot of people think Palin is hot, but I don't think I could even hate f*ck her with someone else's dick.

-I threw up a little in my mouth when Palin said this: "In my comment there, it was a lame attempt at a joke and yours was a lame attempt at a joke, too, I guess, because nobody got it. Of course we know what a vice president does."

-Moments later I cried a little when Palin decided the Constitution was flexible in it's definition of a VP's powers, and then exploded with joy when Biden finally put her in her place and said "The idea [Cheney] doesn't realize that Article I of the Constitution defines the role of the vice president of the United States, that's the Executive Branch. He works in the Executive Branch. He should understand that. Everyone should understand that."