This Dating Life: A Difference of Opinions

This pancakes-loving girl is great, and I'm really digging her, but there's one possibly irreconcilable issue that might come between us in the near future: animals! Sure, she thinks dogs are great, is in love with monkeys (and, like all women and dragons, shiny objects as well) and thinks cats are evil and stupid and poo-poo heads. However, she finds horses creepy (find me ONE OTHER WOMAN who doesn't love ponies!) and hippos terrifying, which is weird because I think she really means to say awesome. She also thinks tarantulas are cute and enjoys when they curl up in a ball on her arm and I'm worried she'll surprise me one day by throwing one at me. She also has no problem with octopi and squid, though she also has no problem eating them either. As long as her and HD continue, there will be less super-intelligent, dangerous and malevolent cephalapods to terrorize me. What's truly ludicrous is she thinks it's ridiculous to lock my door at night because squid and octopi may come visit, in camouflage or disguised as a boot or one of those creepy Chinese good fortune cats. GLOBAL WARMING, I protested. Sea levels are rising and shit, and I want to be prepared!