Last Friday, I had the privilege of taking the US Census Bureau test, and getting the highest score in the history of ever on it. My competition was what you'd expect to see at jury duty, or the DMV.
"I'm not sure," said one man when asked if he was registered to vote, after not being sure if he had signed up for selective service. Joke could be on him pretty soon.
Veterans get special preference on the test, adding 5 points to their score. Now, I'm not mocking veterans or soldiers, as I greatly appreciate what they've done for the country. Like Mike Birbiglia said, "I love the troops, because if they weren't the troops, I'd be the troops." This guy asked if he'd get the 5 extra points because he "served in Iraq, with Generals Schwarzkopf and Colin Powell, in the Gulf War." Like he was sitting on a bench, and those were the guys to the left and right of him.
Best of all was one slightly delirious, continuous question asking, myopic lady. I listened to all her tales, but finally tuned out after I heard the "psychic-spiritual realm."
All this is to say I feel pretty good about my chances. If the Census Bureau does offer me a job though, I'm going to try to start a bidding war. Sure, $18 an hour is great, but the Associated Supermarket down the block wants me real bad, and they're willing to give me $20 an hour to count cans, plus all the artichokes I can eat and priority checkout. Can you top that, government?
I'm just kidding. If I get offered any job at this point I'll take it. It's gotten so bad that I've even applied to the popular office supply store "Papals." And not even heard back from them. The only thing "Papals" has to do with the Vatican is I said "HOLY SHIT, my self-esteem is so low I'm applying to Papals, and not even getting hired there!"
"I'm not sure," said one man when asked if he was registered to vote, after not being sure if he had signed up for selective service. Joke could be on him pretty soon.
Veterans get special preference on the test, adding 5 points to their score. Now, I'm not mocking veterans or soldiers, as I greatly appreciate what they've done for the country. Like Mike Birbiglia said, "I love the troops, because if they weren't the troops, I'd be the troops." This guy asked if he'd get the 5 extra points because he "served in Iraq, with Generals Schwarzkopf and Colin Powell, in the Gulf War." Like he was sitting on a bench, and those were the guys to the left and right of him.
Best of all was one slightly delirious, continuous question asking, myopic lady. I listened to all her tales, but finally tuned out after I heard the "psychic-spiritual realm."
All this is to say I feel pretty good about my chances. If the Census Bureau does offer me a job though, I'm going to try to start a bidding war. Sure, $18 an hour is great, but the Associated Supermarket down the block wants me real bad, and they're willing to give me $20 an hour to count cans, plus all the artichokes I can eat and priority checkout. Can you top that, government?
I'm just kidding. If I get offered any job at this point I'll take it. It's gotten so bad that I've even applied to the popular office supply store "Papals." And not even heard back from them. The only thing "Papals" has to do with the Vatican is I said "HOLY SHIT, my self-esteem is so low I'm applying to Papals, and not even getting hired there!"
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