Telly Tragedy

For those fans of Sesame Street, or more specifically, obscure muppets from said television show, this has nothing to do with the beloved honker. Sadly, I don't know enough about his recent ongoings to write about. In this case, "Telly" is merely a shortening of the word "television." "Television" is still in trouble.

Despite my manifestos, mandates and recently installed mandibles, reality TV prospers, a giant "fuck you" waving from their Survivor banner. Speaking of which, they recently divided into tribes based on ethnicity, to battle over who gets to cake themselves in mud and eat locusts to Survivorize. What a novel concept. I remember other tribes that had segregated themselves based on race and ethnicity. And look what happened to the Navajo, Lakota and Iroquois (not to mention Soiux and Cree)! They lost Manhattan for some beads and all the buffalo vanished. Wait, maybe this isn't the right place for my "don't trust white men with beads" theory. I'll save that for my Mardi Gras post.

David Caruso is still giant hack-ing his way through the bastard child of Crime Scene Investigation. Wonder when his character will ever solve the mystery of why Caruso is such a huge deuschbag. It reminds me of those Cinnamon Toast Crunch commercials:

Leiutenant Horatio Cain (played by David Caruso) of the Miami PD solves crimes all day, relying on his keen intellect, totally natural red hair and the hard work of people around him. Using tweezers and plastic gloves, he can find the tiniest DNA clues at a crime scene. But can he figure out how David Caruso's massive head manages to stay on his body?